Or, We Could Kill All The Pirates

Against the dictates of all common sense, and fine historical examples, this shit is still going on.

On a Vital Route, a Boom in Piracy

Somali Marauders Step Up Attacks in Gulf of Aden; Shipping Costs Soar

ABOARD A YEMENI COAST GUARD VESSEL — Somali pirates plying the Gulf of Aden in speedboats equipped with grenade launchers and scaling ladders have launched what the maritime industry calls the biggest surge of piracy in modern times, sending shipping costs soaring and the world’s navies scrambling to protect the main water route from Asia and the Middle East to Europe.

We have discussed this before, always with the same tone of disbelief. WTF, over? This is an ugly problem, but a simple one, and one that has a remarkably simple solution–

Kill all of the pirates.

Seriously. Why do we allow a handful of khat-addled assholes to dominate one of the world’s most important sea lanes? We, the western powers, have sufficient naval units in the area to take care of the problem in very quick order. What we lack is the will. We apply an idiotically high standard of judicial due process to a situation that doesn’t lend itself well to a judicial solution. Anyone who has dealt with Somalis can tell you that they laugh at western legalisms, and what they perceive as western weaknesses. And then they redouble their violent efforts to take what they want from you. They do react very well to a boot on their necks, and a gun to their heads. Then they tend to wise up quickly.

Here’s how it needs to be done. Oil tanker sends distress call, takes evasive actions insofar as it is capable. (Or better yet, armed men aboard oil tanker defend by fire.) Coalition forces despatch vessels and boarding parties. Pirates who survive ensuing gun battle are lined up by the rail and shot in the head, then dumped overboard. Pirate boats are burned. If their bases or villages on the coast can be identified, said bases are raided and destroyed. No fuss no muss, no ransom, no hostages, no skyrocketing costs.

Damn, sometimes we are our own worst enemies. At the very moment we need to keep oil flowing freely at the lowest possible prices, our own flaccidness jacks up the price.

Furthermore, what a great way to (re)instill the fighting spirit in our junior naval officers and seamen? Get ’em away from an ennervating preoccupation with safety, paperwork and risk aversion.

Were I one of them, I’d jump at the chance for a good clean fight. The average Somali is in fact a true asshole, but he usually puts up a good struggle. While not generally large in size, he makes a decent trophy. Imagine a US destroyer headed into port with skull-and-crossbones painted on the superstructure, and a couple skinnies dangling from the davits??


  1. Eveningsun says:

    Another excellent story from the liberal media. The Washington Post kicks ass.

    Nice photo, too.

  2. Townie 76 says:

    Concur, seems like the solution is simple, a Naval Armada that takes the fight to the pirates, either they surrender or they die. The civilized nations of the world need to take a hard stand or the pirates will only get bolder.

  3. To the shores of Tripoli, solved the problem once, a similar action would do so again.

  4. cardoso says:

    It´s a classic Star Trek scenario. The all-civilized Federation, full of high standards arrest, yells and release the bad guys, because they don't believe in such brutal methods as violence.

    Next week the guy is back again.

    US Destroyers have plenty of underused deck guns and crews in need of practice. Let them practice on moving targets like pirate boats.

    On other hand… I don't think the Russians will be so soft as americans, dealing with those pirates.

  5. Juan says:

    I believe we, America solved this problem about 200 years ago around 1809. Now this problem has returned and we shall return in force to destroy this problem.

    Oorah get some!


  6. USMC_back_in_the_day says:

    I recommend the modern equivalent of the Presley O'Bannon technique

    1. Naval bombardment

    2. Fix bayonets

    3. Charge

    4. Hoist the Stars and Stripes

    Today it would be a couple of Sea Cobras hosing down the sea scum from a distance. No need for up close and personal, though we can arrange that if needed ;-)

    (Lt. O'Bannon's story here: http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/6350/mameluke.htm)

  7. thud says:

    I like the shooting in the head…nice touch I thought.

  8. jordan says:

    Hate to put a damper on your happy musings, but post-Nov 4th, there's likely to be alot more flaccidity than robustness in the conduct of military operations. The weapon will be dialogue and diplomacy. Until the innocent get killed. At which time we all throw up our hands, give up, and go home.

  9. JD says:

    Hail Obama –

    Surrender line forms at the right. . . Please let us know if we are not giving up fast enough for you. . .

  10. kahr40 says:

    All vessels should have a yardarm installed for purposes of nostalgiaa dn certain loose ends. Oh and rope. Lots of rope.

  11. bruce says:

    this is a fools game played by illiterate blacked skinned muzzies who need to be killed in their boats and in their huts.

  12. I saw send a few bombers and bomb the hell out of those pirate ships. Every single one of them needs to be bombed, taped and shown on national TV in somalia to teach those mother fuckers a lesson

  13. pirate skinner says:

    lets have obama meet with them and bow to there leader while mrs obama looks amazing thats whats important no time to save the middle age white captain there are muslim skinnies who could be harmed.

  14. SPLAT says:

    "lets have obama meet with them and bow to there leader while mrs obama looks amazing thats whats important no time to save the middle age white captain there are muslim skinnies who could be harmed."

    Well said…

  15. Rob says:


  16. WEB says:

    Now let’s feed their carcasses to a couple of razorbacks, and send their processed remains back in a hatbox with a note. Dead pirate’s mom and dad we don't think your boys will be dating much in the afterlife. But, we are really going to enjoy some fine bacon in the near future since we smoked their asses twice. Sincerely the USN.

  17. Ex-Marine says:

    Lt Col P:

    Your scenario is the most logical, and the immediate deaths of the pirates is the best solution. No political prisoner BS, no international court yearlong filings and hearings, no tribunals, no red tape. If you're caught invading a ship and taking hostages, you die. I don't know anything about maritime law, but there has to be something that allows for the immediate disposal of gun-toting invaders.

    As you alluded to, the most immediate and effective course of action is for the shipping companies to take security matters into their own hands and hire the requisite personnel to man the ships, armed and at the ready. A combination of ship-based security teams with an open communication channel to a UN-backed naval force is the only way these dickheads can be dealt with in a timely manner.

    They're terrorists at sea, so treat them as such. Kill them with extreme prejudice.